Tampa: Day One.

Bye bye, Charlotte.  Your audiences were inspiring and your crew rescued kittens and brought them to the theatre to play:

You gave our ladies a moment to pose for the camera:

And Sam's mole went through a variety of stages:

But in the end, touring is touring.  A new town awaited us, and we were ready for adventure.  Tampa, as it turns out, was ready for us right at the airport:

My fellow swing, Brad, did a bit of dining research before we made the trek south.  The infamous Bern's Steakhouse was located a mere ten minutes away.  Since we had the night off and everyone was ready to indulge in a fancy meal, we gathered a group and made a reservation for 7:30pm.  Our flight got in at 5pm.  I love boys, but sometimes they don't think about things like female-getting-ready-timing-standards... by the time we had our bags and took the bus to the hotel, it was just after 6:00pm.  Our shuttle to Bern's would leave at 7:10, and I was unshowered and completely packed in two suitcases.  Begin marathon now.

We made it in time.  For me, that has got to be a record.

Bern's was everything it had promised to be.  Their waitstaff goes through a rigorous training process (puts Ruby Foo's to SHAME) - one year of following/training through all sections of the restaurant and garden.  Our server, Jim, had worked there for twenty-five years.  With the check average, its easy to see why someone would go through the process and keep the job.

Addams ambience:

A STELLAR wine menu:

And food that blew our minds.  Here is the black-truffle steak tartare: 

And the white fish caviar with seven different flavor foams and toast :

(PS: Holy crap, I like caviar.  Dangerous knowledge.)

A thirty THOUSAND dollar bottle of wine:

My half of the 16oz Delmonico that Sam and I split:

(Complete with fresh vegetable tasting, crispy onion straws, pinot noir reduction sauce, and a stuffed potato... all inclusive with a french onion soup and salad to boot!)

Our dinner was very filling, so when Jim (our server) suggested a tour of the kitchen and wine cellar, we jumped at the chance to digest before dessert.  The kitchen was a little boring, but only because I've been in so many kitchens at this point in my life.  I imagine that for the average Joe, its a treat to see the inner workings of a place like Bern's.  That said, it was a supremely clean, well-run kitchen.  Gorgeous plating.

The wine cellar was INSANE.  Wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling bottles of wine, and this was only one TENTH of the restaurant's collection.  The rest were housed in an additional building just outside the front doors.

I'd never seen so much wine in my life.

Some of the dessert wines dated back to the 1800's, before there were paper-and-glue labels.

This bottle is from 1850 - when ABRAHAM LINCOLN was alive.  Ten years or so before his Presidency.  That's mind-boggling.  (Jim pulled the cork so we could smell, and let me tell you it smelled pretty damn fantastic.  I had no idea wine could age that long and still be drinkable.)

This next shot is of the $30,000 bottle.  I wish I could draw an arrow... Its between the wiring, in the cardboard box on the floor, just left of the center of the photo.

More examples of how enormous this cellar was:

After the tour, we were digested enough to consider coffee and dessert.  These were served in a separate dining room on the second floor - a maze of cherry wood cubby holes with doors to create an intimate setting.  It was like having our own little pocket of pastry privacy.  The walls were decorated with huge recipes:

Here's the pricing for one of those 1800's dessert wines.  Madness.  (Yet, when you think about it...)

Brad and our glorious server, Jim.

The Bern cappuccino.  Not to be confused with your average cappuccino, these beans are soaked in Kahlua before brewing and being topped with a vanilla creme and powdered grinds.  This is the ultimate cappuccino.

Wait until you see these desserts.  We couldn't handle it.

 Banana's foster, made table-side and served with home made vanilla bean ice cream.

MACADAMIA NUT ICE CREAM SUNDAE.  Made in house and served in a waffle bowl with whip,  hot fudge, and more macadamia nut pieces.  Bern apparently worked for seven years to perfect this recipe.  It is not to be missed.

Strawberry shortcake with rhubarb ice cream and fresh whipped cream (all made in house, as if there were any other option).

 And Dulce du Leche lava cake.  Jesus.

Another of the bananas foster, for good measure:

To say that we were satisfied with our meal would be an understatement.  This is, hands down, the best dining experience I've ever had.  Full package, start to finish, they are entirely focused on giving you a singular experience.  I highly recommend treating yourself if you ever have the opportunity.

We were at Bern's for almost five hours.  FIVE.  HOURS.  When we finished dessert, it was 12:30am and there wasn't a cab to be seen.  Our shuttle from the hotel was no longer running, and none of us knew any numbers to call.  Brad went back into Bern's to see if they could help, while the rest of us waited on the corner in the hopes luck would turn our way.

Also dining that evening was a party of 40 or so business folk from the Transit Authority.  They were leaving at about the same time and climbing on a rented bus to take them back to their hotel.  What did I do?  Why, I marched right onto that bus and asked the nearest tipsy gentleman if they'd mind giving us a lift back downtown (they were staying at a hotel two blocks from us).  He checked with the driver, and soon we were laughing and talking about our show with these fine people:

Best part?  The driver dropped us off right in front of our hotel.  Door to door service, completely free and jolly.  TAMPA IS SETTING THE BAR HIGH.